jO bekke at HUgwRts:cOmenTRee Jo Bel Commentary
by ConstantVigilance7
Summary: That's right. Yet another commentary on the story that rivals My Immortal in its horribleness. Rated Teen for EXTREME racism! SOO much racism it goes beyond the point of funny&wrong to just plain WRONG. Disclaimer: Not mine. Just the commentary.  by Lili
1. Dumbledore

****A/N: Hi! I'm Liliana :D This is a commentary on one of the worst fanfics ever. This garbage HAS to be written like this on purpose, because not even a monkey on dope could type this bad. Still, I read it, and it was too good (sorry, BAD) not to do a commentary on. So...LET THE DOPE MONKEY STORY BEGINNNN!****

****Oh wait. Forgot the disclaimer.****

****Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Not the story (thankfully), not the plotline (or whatever fragments of a plotline there may be), not Harry Potter (cuz if I did, Sirius, Fred, and Tonks (among others) would never ever have died ever D:, not A Christmas Story, NOT ANYTHING! Except the commentary. I own that. :D****

****NOW on with the crap story!****

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><p>AN Dis iiz mi stury. MI friend edited it 4 me. You're the best, Darry!<strong> Who's Darry? Is that even a name?<strong>

BOOK 1: JO BELLE POTTER AND THE SORCERURS STON

Chapter 1: Dumbledore

Mi nam is Jo bele Susie lilee Puttr.** Like golf?** I waz drupped uff at mi uncl and ants hose. **Hose? -pictures family living in a giant pair of women's pantyhose- *shudders*** wen I waz 3 da dark lurd volddenut **hehe **killd mi parents. I used to hav a bruthr but he livs in engglnd. **And apparently people no longer exist if they live in England?** Now mi ant in uncl in sutth carulia razed me. **Raze: to completely destroy. I don't know if they razed her, but they sure razed her grammar skills.** Dey r abusive. Dey rap and hurt me. **Well, I could agree with that, since rap hurts my ears. I really don't like rap.**

I hav durty blond hair, that hangs down to mi feet. i hav dimond blu ies dat sparkl **like Edward Cullen**. Sometimes my eis are green or yellow. **just like Scut Farkus from A Christmas Story. **"So help me God, yellow eyes!"**** OI am super hot!111111111 **You forgot "humble."**

1 dae I waz wlkin doewn da street nd I cm hom der was a ledder on da doorstep. **Ladder? On the "doorstep"? Well, d****on't walk under it, that's bad luck. On second thought, walk under it aaallll you want.** I gspd!11111111111111 it sad hugwurts skill od wickraaf nd wizrdy. I tried to get it butt **Butt?** sdunely… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .. .. .. **... ... ... So much suspense... ... ... and why are all the periods grouped in 3s?**

A knif came me!11111111111111 **YES! DIE DIE DIE DIEEEE! **Im fast thouh, so I caut it nd thru it bak at mi dum uncl. **Let's add "ninja" to the list of things she so desperately wants to be, including "Harry Potter, a golf club (putter), a good writer..."**

it hit him in da crocht and he did. **Did what?** den antie Beatrice cam up. "U klld mi usbnd u freek!111111111111111 **22222222 33333333... ... ... ...** "

Hes nut ded.' I told hur. Den I wavd mi hnd n he cam bak to lif! **But you said he wasn't dead...? **"Jpo **Jpo?** bel!" he screemd

Mi ant thru me acruss the rume.\ I hit da wull nd nearly pasd out! **KILL HER KILL HER KILL HER!**

"wuts dat letr u hav,' jo bel?" ant betric askd

"NOOO" Uncl sd. **No what?**

"I hut wed stuppd it!" ant betrik sad. **You what? I honestly have no idea what that's supposed to be. Someone help?**

"den unl grvaed be nd thruuu me acrss da rume. DEN DA DUR FLU OPEN!111111111.. ….. .. .. . . .. . . **and I died.**

An old man was der. **Gandalf!** He had a long blak beerd. **No...Blackbeard!** He spok in an awsum suthurn bretesh axnt. **Not sure, but I doubt that the accent between southern and northern Britain differs.** "I am Pruffsr ALbis Peeter Quintin alexndr Dumbldur!111111111" he crid. **Who's this guy? Cuz he's not Albus Percival** Wulfric** Brian Dumbledore...****** A**lthough interestingly, she got the pattern right: Albus, P-name, Odd name, Ordinary name, Dumbledore (you know what I'm trying to say there?). TROLL ALERT! TROLL! TROLL! TROLL! or in dear Jo Belk's words, "TRULL!11 TORLL!1111 tURLOL!1111111111111111 ... ... ... ... ..."**

A flash uv litenin was seen oteside da durr. It lukeed lik mi scar. **Poser.** I hav a scar ov a litenn bult on mi 4hd. **Repetitive much?**

Dumbldur sd. "Cum w/ me jo bel I hav ur bruthur."!1 **Dear moose, I dread to see what she's done to Harry's name...**

2 B CNTUUD!

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><p><strong>Did anyone besides me notice how in the title, it's Jo Bekke, but in the story it's Jo Bel? <strong>

****Reviews are greatly appreciated! Please tell me what you think! :DD** Is it good? Is it flabberghastingly horrible? I'm dying to know!**


	2. Harre Putter

**A/N: Special shout out to ****eastwoodgirl! And another to embracethehate! Thanks for the reviews, I was soo nervous that it was crap! Glad it made you laugh :D. Don't worry, there's more coming. **

**And thanks to everyone who put me on Story Alerts, subscribed, etc. I can't believe it! Already!**

**REVIEW, PEOPLE! REVIEW!**

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><p>A?n This da second chappy, <strong>hehe..chappy.<strong> I hop u lik it!11 Thanks to Darrel for da ediding! **AHHH, it's Darrel! That makes a bunch more sense.** Ur da best. **The best what? Certainly not the best editor.**

Chapter 2: Harre Putter **the golfer.**

Dumdumfore **AHAHAHA Dumdumfore! **tuk mi 2 Englend. It waz relly cull. I saw a olot ov peple there. **-sarcastic- NOO! I thought no one lived in England!** Wen one of those stinky Nurthurnurs cam up, **yes because northerners are infamous for their smell** I killed thm. **:OOO What the frick?** NOrthernurs ar so stupid. **I'm a northerner, and YOU'RE more stupid than me! You can't even spell "northerner"! You can't even figure out how to hold down the Shift key and the 1 key AT THE SAME TIME! -see, look, I just did it.** Den Dumumdor tok me to ribet Driv. **That's where all the frogs of the world come from.** We knoked up the door. **HELP! This stupid racist is raping a door!** A fat gay boy ansered the dur. **Like Dudley would ever get up off his butt to answer the door...**

/hoo r u" he aksed.

"don talk to me GAYY."

"Dadddyy, he said, running away and crying.

Then a 11 yeer old boy cam up. "Who r u.' he asked

:Im prufesxsr dumfumdoor **hahaha**, and dis iz y=r sister." **Aw, man, I don't want an algebra lesson. I passed that class already. Who cares if y=r?**

"I;m jo bell,' I told him; **No duh, Sherlock...**

"im… … … … … … … … … … … **... ... ... ... so much suspense... ... ... It's actually harder to put a space in between every 3 periods, so why in the world does she do it?... ... **… … …. … … … … … … … … … … Harre POTTER! **HARRY NOOOOOOOOOOO!**

bcuntined **Yeah, it'll bcuntined later.**

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><p><strong>Be prepared, people. This is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to her racism. Not to mention her mad grammar skillz. You've been warned. <strong>


	3. The trpi 2 Digon Alee

A/N: Apparantly I will be writing my comments in regular, not bold print, since Jo Bel has decided to yell this entire chapter or something. I can totally imagine that. SHOUT OUT TIME!

eastwoodgirl: No, don't do that! I'm uploading as fast as I can in the little spare time I have ;D.

Embracethehate: I KNOW RIGHT? Miracles DO happen! Let's see if she does it again...

Currently I'm listening to Taylor Swift ("Never Grow Up" just made me tear up T.T) while chatting with my friend and doing homework, as well as checking email, drinking tea to keep me awake because I don't like coffee, and commentating on this, all at 11:30 on a school night with a couple hours of homework still to go, so please excuse me if I'm not at my funniest, because I'm also dead tired from doing this same thing nearly every night this week. Here's a random fact, just 'cause my brain's in hyperdrive from the tea. I am completely and utterly terrified of soccer balls flying at me at high velocities. PE today was pure horror. Oh, and geometry is completely useless. Unless you're gonna be a geometry teacher.

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><p><strong>AN Daryll ur da bes. Thanks 4 edidin. **Nearly every word in that sentence proves that Daryll is a CRAP editor.

**CHaptre 3: The trpi 2 Digon Alee. **ALEE! ALEE! Sounds like something you would yell as you're running away.

"**Im HAree Potter," HE SAID. **"Deja vu," Lili said.

'**NO WAE," i sed. "im ur sister." **Dumbledore just said that...

"**cull he sed," **What is this "cull"? Cull...en? As in Edward? This is HP, not Twilight :P.

**Then I noticd somthin. "Y do u hav a Suthern axent wen your from Enhglend?" **Because the author is racist.

"**Cuz Im frum Suthern Englend lol." **

"**LOl'"** Let's all speak in acronyms!

"**Don't u hat northurnurs?" he sad. **/facedesk.

**\**

"**I knoe rite/"**

**Dumduldur agreed. "now its tim to go 2 Digon Allee." **ALEE!

"**But wat aout mi cousins?"**

"**Dey're stupid Northernors so it don't matter."** Yeah. It _don't_ matter. Not "it doesn't matter."

"**Good, I jus hat them : **:::::: ...Oh, sorry, I thought it was Random Colon Time.

"**Now, Jo bekke** Jo Bekke returns...** Will do the majic. Now, telepotr us to Diafon Ally!" **/implied facepalm So many things wrong with that sentence.

**I said the incantation. Suddnly we were in Digon Alley! **Yeah, 'cause every 11 year old witch knows instantly how to "teleport."

**2 BE CONTINUED!11111111111111111 **Yay more ones!

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><p>About a third of that entire chapter consisted of stuff we already knew.<p>

/implied facepalm=something so utterly retarded, that a full and proper facepalm is not even necessary.

Embracethehate: Well, she might have spelled about 6 words right TOTAL in that one, but definitely not 6 in a row anywhere. I think it was a once in a lifetime occurance.

Wish me luck with homework, guys! It was worth the time to upload this, though.

Thanks to all subscribers, favoriters, etc!

Review! Review I say! I've only given shout-outs to two people 'cause they're the only 2 reviewers!

I'm gonna send this out unedited, so, not very professional but...here goes. Hope I didn't forget anything.


	4. Chapter : DIgon Aley purt 1

**Hey peeps! I can't think of a cute intro, so I'll just get right to the point.**

**Disclaimer: NOT MINEEE! *does dance fabricated from time, space, and pure joy***

**SHOUTIN OUT TO ALL THE PEEPS IN THE NET OF INTER! (haha, get it, internet. Sorry, I'm hyper. IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY! I dislike that song (by Rebecca Black).)**

**eastwoodgirl: I agree on all points. The story sucks, and so does Geometry. I started reading Darryl's story, and then quit because my brain was about to explode.**

**No review from Embracethehate this time, and I did miss it! But 2 MORE REVIEWERS made up for it quite a bit! *squee***

**ChanouChan: Thanks, glad you liked it! No one else can believe her typing either.**

**And, the HIGHLIGHT of the evening/morning/whatever time it is where you are, I am proud to say that I got a comment from the illiterate troll, JO BEL HERSELF! *tears up* I'm so happy...**

**And here it is!**

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><p>jo bel<br>2/3/12 . chapter 3

STPO COMMNENTATIM!11111

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><p><strong>Short but oh, so sweet. And her icon is of a Confederate flag. HEL-LO! <em>We<em> have advanced 200 years while apparently you've been stuck in a past that never concerned you in the first place.**

**And to her comment I reply:**

**Once you learn how to type properly, or get a program that auto-magically (I know that's not a word) checks it for you (*GASP*), then no one will have anything to COMMENTATE (note proper spelling) on. Because frankly, Darryl SUCKS at grammar, spelling, and the like. While you're at it, in order to get a line of exclamation points, you have to hold down the Shift key and the 1 key AT THE SAME TIME. Really easy. And I will never stop my commentary, because there is not a single thing you can do to stop me. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA!**

**On with the story!**

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><p><strong>aN: So, tanks to Daryl 4 fixin da gramer.<strong> Ya, tanks to Daryl fo fixin da gramer. Id wez sooo bad b4. I wonder, does Darryl even look at the grammar? Or does he just burn the story and laugh? I'd probably do the latter.** Ur da best!** I'm sensing that someone has a crush on Darryl!** Flamrs: GO 2 HELL! **It would be better than a world where this story exists.

**Chapter $: DIgon Aley purt 1 **Part one? Oh, no, there's gonna be more?

Profesur dumbledum **That's probably the closest she's got ** tuk us to a stor calld Grignots. Yo can get free monee ther. **/implied facedesk** Wee go in. **Wee. Haha.** A gremlin **? **Umm...gremlin. Ok.**** cums up to us. "oH U mus b jO bEkk potter. **So now it's Jo Bekke and not Jo Bel. ** Weve been watein 4 u. o nd hllo harre."** And _she's _the famous one, not Harry? Harry's just a side-thought apparently. This girl has a serious attention craving.**

Dumbldum commntd on his status, **Someone spends too much time on Facebook.** "luk her gremlin, jus tak us to der vault, and NOT de enegy drink, **Energy drink?** ok, do, you, get, that mistr 'helo jO beKL?" **Overreaction. He just said hello.**

The gremln srummk in feer. "Yes, jus dnt hrt me." **Dumbledore is abusive in this universe.**

/I wnt hrt u, but jO beKKE might! **Only if he's a black goblin.**

The gremlin sed, "letz\s go 2 ur valt." **Yes, letz\s.**

We got in da sports car and druve into da valt. "Bi da wae mi nam iz golum," da gremlin sed. **You know a story is crap when a gremlin named Golum drives a prejudiced girl and Harry Potter, her brother, into a vault in Gringotts the money store in a sports car.**

GoLUm tuk us doewn into da valt. "Is this da valt," I aksd. **Well, you drove into the vault, then in the next paragraph, Golum took you into the vault again, even though you were already in it, so I'm gonna say yes, that is the vault.**

"Yeperoo,' golumn saeid.

'Iz this da valt,l" haree askd/

"Yes." **She just asked that! We just went over this like three times!**

Dmbldurm tuk jo bELe and haree into the lair. DER WAS A DRAGON DER!111111 **YES! Maybe it'll KILL THEMMM!**

2 B CUNTOUED **If she's gonna spell 'continued' wrong, she could at least spell it wrong the same way every time.**

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><p><strong>Well, my note is longer than the story itself was, but part of that is because I write insanely long notes. I started this last night and crashed, so sorry it wasn't uploaded yesterday! Today's Saturday, though, so I'll hopefully get at least one more 'chappy' done today. I'm aiming for one a day.<strong>

**In conclusion, REVIEW PEOPLE! REVIEWWWW! It makes me happy :D**


	5. Da mystikel dregon

**HELLO TO MY FANGIRLS AND FANBOYS! Haha, no idea why I just said that...**

**We ended on an epic cliffhanger last time. Let us see if Jo Belk and her cohorts in racism DIEEE!**

**BUT FIRST! Shoutouts...**

**eastwoodgirl: you are my most faithful reviewer (out of the 5 I have) to date. Just thought I'd put that out there, and I admit, it was a badly-disguised (and pretty lame) attempt to get more REVIEWS! Muahahahaha... Anyway, I can assure you, it does get much, much worse. The easily offended should NOT read this story ;D.**

**iamnotjudge: Thanks, I was hoping it's funny and not just pathetic. Glad you enjoyed!**

**Now the moment the entire universe has been hanging on... (just kidding...)**

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><p><strong>AN: Stop FLamIm u r stupid nd gae! GO 2 HEKLK! **I am not stupid, nor gay, and I would gladly go to heklk if it was a real place that was far, far away from any proof that this story ever existed.

Chpaarte 5: Da mystikel dregon

DER WAZ A DRAGEN DER!11111111111 **U IS REPETITIVE!22222222**

Gollum sed, ' u hav 2 dfeet da dregon w? ur pwors 2 get 2 da vult. **And since she is 11 and doesn't have any powers, this should hopefully be quick.**

"k," hare end ei sed.

We wnen in but haree got scrd. **Yeah, Harry's the chicken.** I hd to go in by myslf. Jo bElle wen in. ** Random perspective change? What the what?**

Da Dragen was ornge aand spok in a northurn axent. **I'm not even going to question that statement in order to preserve my sanity.** "Im da dregon hoo gurds Grinworts!" **Y'know when Hagrid said there isn't a place safer than Gringotts except for Hogwarts? Well now there is. It's a magical combination of Gringotts and Hogwarts. They call it: GRINWORTS!**

"GO TO HELL~!#$%^'./,./ **"SQUIGGLY LINE EXCLAMATION POINT NUMBER SIGN DOLLAR PERCENTAGE CARAT APOSTRAPHE PERIOD BACKSLASH COMMA PERIOD BACKSLASH! Yeah, you didn't see THAT coming, did you, you STUPID ORANGE NORTHERN DRAGON!" Can't you just imagine her screaming that?**

I stebbd da drehoon thur the hert. It died. **Yeah, stabbed it right through all the layers of scales, fat, tissue, etc.**

"GO JO BEKLE! GO JI BKEL! 123 GOGOGO!" Dumdubledumre SCREEMED NGRILY **He's angry that she's still alive. I am too.**

"WHOS DA DREGON SLEYOR? N U R! WHOS DA PRETTYST MOST AMAZNG SXYEST BUTIFUL AMZING SXY WONDRFUL GILR? **Pedophile moment.** JPO BELLE PUTTER" Du,mblurode Gooluu, Haree, and snale sad. **o.o I can never un-see that image that just popped into my head.**

Gremlin sed, "nowe u mae pass into da chamber uv trrezures. **Wait..this is the Sorcerer's Stone, supposedly.**

2 b CONTNUED! **Oh, please, no...**

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><p><strong>HOPE YOU ENJOYED NUMBER SIGN CARAT PARENTHESES PERCENTAGE DOLLAR SIGN! <strong>

**Review or I will come to your house and scream the names of random symbols at you...**

**Thanks to all subscribers, readers, etc. You're the reason I do this! Apparently I have **177 Hits** and **69 Visitors to my story...but somehow I only have 5 reviewers... -stares at you to invoke guilt- ********I don't know how many subscribers I have, because the email this is registered under is Dawn's and she won't give me her password. Curse you Dawn. Just kidding.****

**I'M GOFIK! MCR ROXX! DNOT' BE A PRP! (like that My Immortal reference there?)**


	6. Trezur

**COME ONE COME ALL to the world's shortest trollfic chapter EVEERRR!**

**Shout outs: (the reward for those of you who DO review...)**

**Embracethehate: Sorry about your cold, hope you're better now!**

**eastwoodgirl: No, don't stop thinking about ways to maim her! We can still use them someday...**

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><p><strong>AN Ty Darel for fixin da gramer erurs. Ur da vvest. **Yes, Darel, you're a piece of clothing. I hope that comforts you.

**Chaptr 6: Trezur**

Dumblrus sd drastically, "he iz ur twreszrue" **Who is?**

"OMFGTISA" **Whaaaaa...?** I seD sadly.

"Dnt b so happe jo bEKl;e,' hary sed. **But she was sad...**

"Ut dis iz mor monee den I evr ceen b4" jo Belke sed. **And why are you sad about that?**

We entrd da trezur rum cotiouslee. We wlkd inid n hrd somtin. **So they entered, then walked in?** Den we luked in. **So they entered, walked in, and THEN opened their eyes after walking in twice?** SNALE AND KWERREL WERE DOING IT TOGEDER! **Please tell me 'it' is not what I think 'it' is...**

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><p><strong>About "OMFGTISA", I googled it, and google does not hold the answer, which can't be anything but bad...Anyone have even a wild guess at what it is, please leave it in the comments. Or maybe we'll get lucky and Jo Bel herself will drop by to answer this question for us. That would be epic.<strong>


	7. I git rtch

**HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, for all who celebrate it. Myself, I celebrate Singles Awareness Day. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Life is crazy, plus I got one of those weekend sicknesses, where you're sick on Friday but better by Sunday night, thereby depriving you of your entire weekend.**

**For those who care, TISA=this is so awesome. After several minutes of googling, rephrasing, re-googling, etc. Google finally coughed up the answer. So, that works out to: **"OMFGTISA" I seD sadly. **So apparently she was sad that it was awesome. Her tiny brain probably couldn't handle its awesomeness.**

**YAY for **138** visitors! And if I got this right, that means **138** people with accounts have visited my story. Don't get me wrong, I'm as happy as a a monkey with a peanut machine about that, but that also means that 129 people have no excuse for not REVIEWING! REVIEW! Please?**

**SHOUT OUTS! and if you review, you too will get a shout out ;D**

**L0velessMagic: Haha, I know right? **

**Mimi-loves-llamas: Thanks for your support, I like your name by the way.**

**kpotter1993: Haha, close. Glad you enjoyed, keep reading!**

**ataraxia101: At first I thought she was doing it on purpose, too, but now I'm just not sure... On one hand, no one can be this racist and still fit into society somewhere in the world. On the other hand, she might be a social outcast. But she does have a boyfriend. Or does she? He's most likely just made up.**

**Kudatsuo-chan: Thanks for that translation, I never would have gotten that.**

**ON WITH THE...story, I guess, if you can call it that...**

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><p><strong>A?n Jus cuz u dnt lik a stry dsnt meen u need 2 b meen.<strong> But the temptation is so hard to resist...** GO 2 ur prbablee a gae blak nurthurnur. **Go to where?

**Chptwer 7: I git rtch/ **How cultured...she gonna git rich, momma. Ain't choo so proud of er?

**Dmbldumr flu In on hiz brume and beet them up.** Wow, Dumbledore really IS abusive...** "Yall r hugwerts teachers, yer supposed to be bettr den dis!:**

"**UR STYUPID ND GAE!: I sae melodramcitaaly **"You, sir, are STUPID, and not to mention GAY!" *hits with glove* That's probably the best melodramatic imitation I can muster up via internet.

" **Random quotation mark!****  
><strong>

**Snal sad, "y do u hav to b meen to gaes wer humen 2!" **Well, that's a statement I didn't think I'd find in here.

'**NO UR NT!** That's more like what I would expect.** UR LUSERS WITH NO LIFE.** And that proves gays aren't human...how?** GO 2 GELL!1111111111111111" **YOU GO TO GELL, JO BEKLE!

**Snal and kwirril strtrs krying. Dey ren ote of da rume crieng. **It's very important to note that they didn't stop crying in order to successfully run out of the room. THEY CAN MULTITASK! YAYAYAY! Unlike the author of this horrible trollfic, who can't think and type at the same time.

RANDOM CHANGE IN FORMATTING!

DumBLDUM "Dose gAE PEopLE AR So STupiId." **Look at what you just typed. Look at how you typed it. Who's the stupid one here?**

"I knoe arry sed,

Den Harwey **?** nd ei got ur trezure.

SDDNLY GolluM sut us in da trezur rume. **He sat you in the treasure room?**

Dumbllydum creed ote, "O KNOEW WAT SALL I DOO? " **_He_ didn't walk in the room, just Harry and *gags* Jo Bel did. So LET THEM OUT, FOOL! Wait, what am I saying? *BIGGEST MOST FREAKIN EPIC GASP IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD* SHE'S BRAINWASHED ME! _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**

He wEN nd KnicKED on dA dURE. "lET us Ote u STUPID BlAK gremlin." **Your face.**

"NVR I LUV MISLF, noew I shell snd mi menyons to rap u." **NO, NOT MORE RAP!**

Den I usEd my majicel abilettees to zap us ote. I klld GuLLum. **OH, that's right. I had forgotten. Jo Belkle has magical superpowers. But will she use them for world peace? NO, she'd rather use them to kill all the blck gaE nurTHURenr gremliINZ in the WURULD!11111111 **

DEN?| ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? **Can't you just imagine her screaming "QUESTION MARK" repeatedly?** GOLUM CAM BAK 2 LIF!1111111111111

2 b CONTNIUED1!#$%^&*() **YES! MORE SYMBOLS TO RANDOMLY SCREAM THE NAMES OF! WOOHOO!**

**REVIEW DOLLAR SIGN PERCENTAGE AND SYMBOL PARENTHESIS ASTERISK CARAT! IT MAKES ME HAPPY PERCENTAGE ASTERISK CARAT! ONE ONE ONE ONE ONE**


	8. DE eSCPA fruM Gngiotes

**Here's a thought for you, Jo Beldklkadkfjkdfjkdkfkalke: "Better to be remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." That's from Abraham Lincoln, I believe. The fact that it's from Lincoln is appropriate in so many ways.**

**HELLO MY LOVERLY SUNSHINE BUTTERFLIES! I'm so so sorry that it's been so long since I uploaded D: I blame the world. Curse you, world.**

**Everyone now needs to flame Jo Bel's new fanfic about THE HUNGER GAMES! I am almost in tears (that's not a joke) because she's going to ruin this story as well. I really am. FLAME AWAY!11111 **

**Also, if you know Jo Bellkllee, I urge you to go to her house and stab her through the heart with a...pen or something. Make it ironic. Even if you think you know her, but aren't sure if it's really her, I'm here today to tell you that IT DOESN'T MATTER. KILL HER ANYWAY. If you don't know Jo Bell, it might seem harsh. Read her stories, and then tell me if it's harsh. **

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><p><strong>A.n: UR WRONG!11111111<strong> Yes. Yes you are wrong, Jo Bekslajkle** THE northurnurs r a bunch of dum librels. THE SOUTH R THE 1s WHO WRK!11 THE NRTHurNURS WULD HAv us STUK up OnN HELTP CAAR We WRK DA FLDS U LUSRS sit in facterees aand complaen aLL dae log.,** Wow. I think she truly IS from the pre-Civil War era. Someone needs to take her back.** ur StuPID FAT, And UGLEEE!** Just another example of her ignorance. She's got a better chance of being fat and ugly than I do. We already know she's stupid, so that's just hypocrisy.** DUMDUMBELRE IS NOT GAE!** Oh really? I think J.K. Rowling would beg to differ. ** AND IF HE WAS HED GO 2 HELL!1!111111111111111 IIf u FlaaM ur ObvOUDSLY hjuST A stupid LIbrel Demcrat who DON'T knoe hOW to WoRK** I flame, and yet I'm a Republican...hmm..could Ho Belklkklkle's infallible logic be defeated? Naaa.** :P NORTHURNURS R MUCH STuPIDER, **/facedesk

Chaptr 8: DE eSCPA fruM Gngiotes

AFTR goluM cam bak to lif we celbratd. **Let's stop and ponder this sentence for a moment. Isn't a hilarious sentence? The more times I read it, the funnier it gets.** It TRned OtTE he waz juS bein ConTROled by sum supid librel. Cuz dats wat librels do, dey r control freeks.

Den da greMIlds tuld us we had to leeve noew. We lf to go to Medem Milpkinths. **Oh my gosh, that's the best name ever. I'm so using that.** Dere was sum freek der. Hhe had blond heir, but he wsnt suthrn. He waz ubvusly nutherm. **Obviously. Because northerners are known for blonde hair. ** Haree sat on 1sid an I sat on deotherr.

:Who r u musnboled:" **What did you say about my momma?**

"I,m jO bEklle puttr, n dis iz mi bruthr," I sed stinlkly. **Everything she says is stinky.**

:JJO BELLE PORTER!/?"

"Yep, dats me,' I sed.. **Unfortunately...**

"I dint tink a suthrnur culd be so SXY.: **I think I just died a little.**

"UR STUPID,' I jumPED on hem nd kikd his boodee/ **Yeah, kik his boodee good, Jo Bkajdke.** "HAHA' luser,' is ede.

"Y O Y" DarKo crede. **YOYOYOY is actually a song, I think. Wait, who's Darko?**

"BcuZ ure a DUM nUTHernur aand dats wat haoons" **That's what haoons to dum nuthernurs. Duuhhh.**

Den HAMLET CAM up. " he dumbduymlr wntd to tll u somthin, he sed obtusely. …. ….. …. … … … … … .. …. **Hehe. Obtusely. Like a triangle... Oh no. GEOMETRY HAUNTS ME!**

2 B CONTNINUED

Bi Da WaE NORTHERURS SUK!111111111111111111 **Bi Da Wae YOU SUK111111111111111**

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><p><strong>REVIEW REPLY TIME!<strong>

**I honestly can't remember which reviews I've replied to anymore, so don't be offended if I don't get yours :(.**

**jo bel  
>221/12 . chapter 7**

Uf stup comengaring u DUM nurthurnur

**Heehee... I love it when she reviews. The fact that I'm actually causing her annoyance brings a bit of joy into my life.**

**Okay, now on to the reviews that actually matter.**

**Piper-Weasley: First off, from your name and use of "Oh my gods," I see that you like Percy Jackson. I love Percy Jackson. I have no idea why I felt it was necessary to say that, but anyway. I hope that this review was directed at Jo Bel, and not me, because I didn't write this story. I just make fun of it. **

**Lady Melody Lily: Haha, nice translation. That made me laugh XD.**

**peace-love-and-writing: I know, she's got a major racism problem.**

**Dragonfire97: It's just another flaw in her horrifically mangled story ;P.**


	9. Dumblumdores mesage

**I feel like this needs a cute intro, but nothing comes to mind. Oh well.**

**Be sure to check out my Jo Bel Hunger Games commentary (that's what I'm referring to it as, I'm too lazy to write out the whole stupid title). You can find it here: /s/7985774/1/jo_bekke_nd_darrrel_in_PANIM_LOSE_da_hungr_bgams_b**

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><p><strong>A.N: Danks 4 darryl 4 chkin dis Ur da bst. **She keeps saying that, but it never gets any more true.

**Cahprt 9: Dumblumdores mesage**

**Harmlt tuk us 2 Dumblumdur. "Helo dumdhumrr,' hamlt sed. **I should really write down all the ways she misspells 'Dumbledore'.

"**Helo Prufessor Haarmlet" Dumbumbledore said.**

"**jO beLLE and HaARe dis is Professur Hamlet. He is daa keeper of da kees a HUgwerts." **Holy crap. Did she seriously just get something right? This has to be the apocalypse.

"**Helo Prufessor Haglet," HaRRE amd ei sad.**

"**Yes, I em Prufesor Hagmet.: **I really needed her to tell me that 3 whole times in order to figure that out.

**Dumblum lafed ridikilosely.** Laughing ridiculously for no apparent reason is my favorite thing to do!** "alrite chldrn I need to tll u somthin."**

"**Wat iz it?" jo BelLe asked,**

"**Itz tim to go… … … … … .. … … PIK OTEUR WANDS!" **Again, so much unnecessary suspense.

We wnt 2 pck ote our wands. We wlkd doewn da street. BUT… …. … … … …. …. …. … … . … … HAMLET WAS STILL STALKIN US!1! **OH EM GEE!**

"R u a pedow?" I asked. **Yes.**

"No! **LIES!** I just waaantd to knoe somthin!"

Dumbldor sied. "lUK her hamlet, Your just a silly scotish persin." **Wow.**

Hamlit strtd to cri. "Iem surry prufsor."

"dats ok, u scotish people r jus lik oour pets." **She's gonna have the northern half of every country and the whole of Scotland after her. And every gay or black person. So basically, everyone in the world.**

"Can I git a raze?" **No, because I don't know what that is.**

Dumbleumr lafed evly. **MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** "Y WULD I GIV u a RAZE? Go away u SIMPLE MINDED KREEP!" **I'm so using that insult.**

Harmlet sarted crien agin. Den he run off.

"ALrite childs, lets go pik ote ur wnds/ **And now we're back where we were at the beginning of this pointless chapter.**

2BCNTUED **Please don't.**

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><p><strong>Teehee..Jo Bel reviewed again. I replied, and I'll keep you guys up to date on what she says. This should be fun.<strong>

**WolfletteMoon: I'm sure she really could care less about anything that doesn't directly affect her. And half the stuff that does affect her, I'm sure she ignores. She probably wouldn't realize it if a snake bit her in the butt. Ugh, she makes me mad.**

**Megan Lo Saurus: Thanks, I'm glad you like it. I look forward to your reviews!**

**peace-love-and-writing: I doubt she would write it that way, because she probably doesn't even know what that means. She would probably say something more like, "thta fUNEE!1111" I'm starting to wish she would make the chapters longer, too. It's annoying how I have to separate a chapter's worth of commentary into like, 5 chapters. So far, yes, I do plan on doing the whole thing, if I ever find some time to do it in ;). I'm glad you like it so much!**


	10. JO BELLES WAND

**Haha, I was enjoying all the flames in the comments of Jo Belskkfdjkalke's 'story' (because I can...it's not weird), and look at this comment:**

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><p><strong>NOTJOBELL<br>4/4/12 . chapter 70**

Omfgtisa dis is SOOOOO GUD

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><p><strong>If this was someone being sarcastic, I commend them. However, it looks to me like Jo Bel failed at commenting on her own story. Jo Bel, you're a fail.<strong>

**Now, to the commentating..**

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><p><strong>A;n' Alrite idiots. STOP GLAMIN MI STIRY!1111111111<strong> Keep flaming. Just stop glamin.** Jus bcause I hate Nurthernurs and gaes and blak people doesn't meen u need 2 giv me aa herd time!1111** Oh no. Just because she's the most prejudiced piece of crap on the planet doesn't mean that we need to make life more difficult for her.** Go 2 HE:: YANKEES!1111111111 I write about SUTHERN ENGLAND! Northurn englan and Scotlad are STUPID!1111** Her hate of northern England fits her personality, but what's she got against Scotland?** Also, thanks to darrel for chekin da spelling.** Yeah, good job, Darrel. I think she spelled 4 whole words right in that entire paragraph! My, how she's improved!** UR DA BEST! I can't wate for 2morrow. (Darrel nd I aare goin to the mall with sum frends) **(No one gives a crap.)

**Chaprer 10: JO BELLES WAND**

**we WeN 2 da wand shop. Der were all surts of wands der.** No wae, i dint noe day had wnds in da wand shop!11111** I looked on da pervert roe.** Haha, was that supposed to say 'pervert'?** Der was a buch of stap on wands.** Yeah, that was supposed to say 'pervert'.** Der was also *****************!111111111111111111 **Oh no, not a ****************!111111111111111111

**Den I went 2 daa SXY suTHern island,** Good. Just stay there on your imaginary island and don't bother anyone ever again.** were der was a hole buch of wends. DEN I SAWED IT!1111111111111111111 IT was da most butiful wand in da entir world. IT WAS A PTCH4k WAND! So u can cast spells and stab peeples. **Jo Belklke sawed da most buttifal ptch4k wand ind a entir wurld!111 nOW she can STAB PEEPLES!111111111

**Den a man cam upp bhin us. " MWAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAh!" **What the...

**I prUf**

**Esur OLEE, I wull b ur wands prufesur. **Ollivander? Is that who she's ruining now?

**"Cull I said." **

**"I lik ur wand," he sed happly.**

**"ITS SXY," I sed. **I always thought pitchfork wands were sexy.

**HAree agreed with me. Prufessor Olee tuk us in da bak of da store."Noew we hav some fun!" Olee sed. **That sounds perverted. Or maybe I'm still scarred from the strap on wands.

**2 B CONTINUED!**

**.**

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><p><strong>Dracarot: Wow, you reviewed a lot. Not that I'm complaining, I actually sort of like it. I don't want to reply to all of them, but a lot of them did make me laugh ;).<strong>

**Sesshomaru-XD-13: Thanks, I will!**

**Megan Lo Saurus: I know, right? I like the ones where the people are trying really hard to be nice, but you can still tell that they're pissed off XD. As for the 'raze' thing, we can never know what goes on in her tiny mind.**


	11. jO bekke nd HArre kill a bnch of RIDIKUL

**This might be the last chapter I upload for a while. I have to do all the stuff I've been putting off soon. -sigh-**

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><p><strong>AN UR SO STUPID! U don't hav a clu!111** My thoughts toward her exactly.** Stop messing with me!1111111 NoRTherners ARE stupid!1111111111111111 SUTHERNERS are the smartr peeples in AMERCA.** The grammar in that sentence is so contradictory to the meaning of it.** NORturnurs anywaer r all stupid.. Da suttern part of any CUNTRY IS THE BEST PURT!1111111** She's taken that 1800s mentality and expanded it.** STOP Flaimyn me!11111111111111111111111111111 Ur just jelous bcuz im sutheern.** Oh yeah. Totally.** UR ALL a bunch ov STUPOD LibrEL Nrutherners!111111111 U LUSE!11111** I lose what, exactly? **I rede all ur storees** Somehow...I doubt that.** and dey STINK!11111111111111111111111111111 IF U DON'T LIK DIS… … … … … DEN DON'T REED IT!** Technically, I'm not reading. Reading implies that there is meaning to the words she uses.** Gae people aare reel humens… JUST STUPIDSER!11111111111111** Just like her!** im NOT updatin til I ged 5 gud reviows! **So this should be the last chapter.

Hpter 11: jO bekke nd HArre kill a bnch of RIDIKULOUSLY UGLEE STUPIS BlaK gAE NuthernnORs!1111111111111 **Oh, good. This should be a pleasant chapter.**

Olee tuk us into da bak of his wand sjkull. He sowed us a bunch of gae Norturn blak peoples. They wer all tied up. "Nowe." olEE sad, "u hav 2… …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. **Oh my lanta, not more suspense.** …. … … … … … … … … … kILL TESE RIKOLUSLY UGLY STUPID BLAK GAE NURTHERNURS!11111111111" **What a suprise.**

"K I sed."

I wne ovr 2 da ridikulusly ugly stupID bLAK gaye Nirthurnurs!11111111111111111111 "don hurt us jO bekle,' dey sed.

I laufed mecanicly. "" **Now I'm under the impression that she's an android.**

I strtd poking them with mi pich4k wnd. DEY strtd screamin so I kiked der PRIVARTE PARTS!111111111111111111111111 **Oh, the humanity.**

thEY scremed in pane!11111 Prufesor OLLEE was chering me on.

DEN those RIDIkulously uGLee stupid bllAK gAE nothernurs… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … DIED!11111111111111111111111111111 **Hahahaha, she killed them by poking and kicking them!**

2 B CONTINUD

_**I WANNT 5 GUFD REVIEWS OR IM NOT POSTIN DA NEXT XCHAPPPPIEE! **_THIS IS THE END OF THIS HORRIBLE STORY! YAY!

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><p><strong>There's no reviews for the last chapter, but that's probably because I just uploaded it a few minutes ago. Review! REVIEW!<strong>


	12. We go 2 Kngs Crussin

**HEY EVERYBODY**

**Jo Beljkdjlkjalkdjdlkjlkez has officially BEEN KICKED OFF FANFICTION! Or she's removed her own account, but that's not likely. But anyway, I won't continue this story after this chapter, unless you guys really want me to. So let me know in the comments!**

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><p><em>An OK, I knoe I sad dat I wudnt updaat tilll I get 5 gud reviews but I got thus written.<em> **I bet she hasn't gotten 5 good reviews from anyone besides herself ever.**_ I H8 U! If ur repotin me den u sjuld go di!1111111111111111111111111 Ur probably just a librel idiot._ **Probably...not.**_ Also tanks to Darryl for da checking!11 I CANT WAIT 4 2NITE. I cant w8 till we c our frends at da mall!_ **Really? I can't wait until you die! I'm gonna have a party!**_ UR da best of the best!_

CHAptr 12: We go 2 Kngs Crussin.

Aftr I kild the stupid blak people, Hamlet cam up. "Prufessur Dumblundum wants u knowe." **Go see Prufessur Dumblundum, psychos.**

"K: Jo BEKKE said iunfurtunatly.\

Hamlimt tuk us 2 prufesur dumblumdur. Dumbindor sd, "Did u get ur wanz?" **No, that entire chapter about getting their wands was pointless, as usual.**

"Yeah, an then I killd sum gae blak peeples with it."

"Cull," dumbledore saif..

"it was fun.' Haree sed.

"I knoe I do that all the tim!" DUumvbledum said. **Oh my lord.**

"THAt iz Awsum!" JO beLLE sed. Haply. **Why does that adjective require a separate sentence?**

Dumbledure then sed, "Alrite children it's time to go 2 knGS cruSSin. Jo BELE tak us to kings crossin.." **Ah, time to use her magical teleporting powers.**

I wavd mi pch4k wnd. It glowed and then all ov a suddn.. WE WERE IN KINGS CRUSSIn. **Dis stury is soooo gud!1111111111111111111111**

Haree nd I sawed a family. Dey sed, "ALL dese stupid gae Northurn muggls!1111 Cum on Donald." **Seems like that's Jo Belklkle's real family.**

"Hey! I! SED! **YOU! CAN'T! WRITE! I! SAID!** R u goin 2 HUWERTS?"

"UVZ curse we r, dingles," mrs weasel sad. **Dingles...hehe.**

"Bi da wae, mi nam is Donald." Da redhed boy sed. **Oh fail.**

"CULL" herry said.

"Lets go," donalkd sed.

DEN… … … … … … … … ….. WE rAN THRU DA WALL!1111111111111111111111 **OMG!**

2 B CoNTuned

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><p><strong>I am really lazy and have homework to do right now, so I'm not gonna do reviews this chapter. Sorry.<strong>


	13. Da hofwasrtz expres 11111111111

**Lili has decided to continue this story. Lili might update more frequently since Lili has only 3 weeks until summer break! LILI IS SO FREAKING EXCITED FOR SUMMER! LILI IS ALSO SPEAKING IN THE THIRD PERSON! LILI DOESN'T KNOW WHY! **

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><p>A,n: STOP FLAMIN MI STURYE! U hava no rite 2 flame mi stury. I H8 U!1111111111111111111 Ur jus a bunch ov librel gaes! <strong>Do I even have to address the irony of that statement?<strong> THankS 2 Darryl 4 checkin mi story. I LOVE YOU!11111111111111111 Darrel nd I r d8in now! We 3 ech othr! **I bet you 3 each other SO MUCH!**

Chaptre 13: Da hofwasrtz expres!11111111111 **Alright! We're riding on the hofwasrtz expres!1111111111111**

WE run thRU te wall. Don said, "We shuld go sit dowen," he sed unhappily. **No, you could stand up if you're so unhappy about sitting down. Of course, standing up for the whole ride to hofwasrtz could result in spastic leg cramps...or in extreme cases, explosive diarrhea. **

Jo belle and HAree got onto da hUGwerts eXpres/. I luked around the rume. There was no1 iin 1. "Letz sit her," Donald sad. **In my mind, this is a movie, and everything they do is highly exaggerated. Which is part of the reason I sometimes laugh for no apparent reason when I read this.****  
><strong>

"K,' I sadi.

We set down. Thn daa fat trullee lady cam long. "EAT FUDE ETE FUDE!11111111111 " **Oh, I'm sure they will at some part of the story.**

donald sed. "I ain't got no monee 2 by fude." **This entire time, I've been assuming that "fude" is supposed to be "fudge", but knowing Jo BEllakdjlke, who knows what it actually is supposed to be?**

"dat's alrite. Ill bye it." I sed. **Wow, maybe I misjudged Jo Bel. She bought Donald fudge! ALL HAIL JO BELL FOR HER GENEROSITY!****  
><strong>

"OMG Ur jO beKKE puttr!11111 " da trolley lade said.** NO. FREAKING. WAY.**

"i knoe,' I lufed vicouslee. **"****AHAHAHAHAHA..I'M AWESOME."**

"her, u can hav freeee fude, cuz ur so pretty and u dfeeted da dark lard." **She gets free fudge because she defeated the DARK LARD. That made my laugh so hard, it's not even possible to express how hard over the internet.****  
><strong>

:cull I sed.

hAREE nd I got fude. We started tto ete and then someone barged in the room. IT WAZ… … … … … … … … … … **DA DARK LARD!1111 HE KILLED THEM ALL END OF STORY!** … … . …. …. … ….. … .. .. . .. .. . ... . HERMONEE! **NOT HERMIONE!**

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><p><strong>There's so many reviews, I'm going to reply to them individually when I get the time to.<strong>

**If anyone knows whether Jo Bel has created a new account, please let me know!**


	14. Jo Bel's profile

**I'M BACK! But here's the bad news: so is Jo Bel. I know, fellow sane people of the world, it's sad but true. Feel free to rip your cloaks in Biblical fashion in order to express your sadness, or simply burn down the nearest house to express your intense anger. Just make sure there's no one inside. Unless Jo Bel's inside. Because if Jo Belkle's inside, the world would be a much better place without her, so BURN AWAY!**

**I can't find a repost of Jo Bel's story for my life, so in order to continue this commentary, someone's gotta link me to a repost that includes all forty-something chapters.**

**Until then, I'm just gonna comment on her latest profile, jobel4. Feel free to flame her account, since your flames will be used to fuel her already burning house.**

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><p>im bak, lusers!111 <strong>Oh, God, why?<strong> ur all just a bunch off STUPOD nurthners cuz u got me wondrfel STORY taken duun sveral times alredy!1111 **But does that deter her? HELL NO!** well, guess wat? dis time u wont b so luky!111 haha

anywae my names jo belk walker. i am a SXY sutthner **LIES, I'm sure** . i lov trakterz, crunty music, hay **I would think she prefers grass to hay, since she's a cow and all**, REDneks, TRAKTERZ, darrel ***gags***, suthners, i lov evrthing suhthern. cuz surthneeeetrs r awsum.

BY DA WAE **Learn how to spell "way" right already**, stup FLAGMING my stury, NORTHENERS! ur problly frum New yurk. or Main. or Nurth carulina. or northner englan. or werever dere is north! **Well, I'm in the SOUTHERN part of Washington State. (shh! Don't tell her Washington is in the North! She'll never figure it out on her own)** ur just jelus cuz u don hav da advantuge of being a WHITE SUTHENRER lik me. lol **I hate her so much.**

i h8te liberals **Funny, but isn't she considered liberal?** gaes bizecuals BLAKS muzlims katlics jews nurds & most of all: NORTHENERS!11111111111 _I H8 U!1111111_

also if u wann 2 join da KKK here is a link: **I'm leaving the link out, since I assume no one reading this will want to join the KKK anyway**.

im gettin mi REVENGE on all of u!111 **God, please save us from Jo Bel's wrath!** I wont be nice ANYMURR! **Hold on, she was being *nice* before?** my REVENGE, it wont b pretty!1111 i will b evn BETTR n strungr dan b4. ***flatly* Is that even possible?** u will all hav regret mesin wit me n flamin my amzin STURY!11111 **For some strange reason... I highly doubt that.** u northerner DORKS!1!1

by DA WAAE, "Reel jo bel" is an impresonator. bubba's accuont was also hakked so anything dat cums frum his accunt is fake. **I laugh at you. Ha. Haha. Hahahaha.**

OH heers me DA pg im posten me sturies der; **I left out the link to this one too. We can all do with a little less Jo Bell in our lives. Also, giving you the link would only help her be more popular. Trust me, it's for your own good.**


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